Many of us read this Nathaniel Hawthorne classic for English class somewhere in our educational journey.  Hester Prynne was a young Puritan woman whose husband had apparently been lost at sea some years before the story began.  We soon learn Hester had a child, born of an affair with a man whose name she refused to reveal.  The man chose not to come forward. 

Giving your memory the benefit of the doubt, you may recall the man who was the adulterer and father of the child was the local pastor, Dimmesdale. Cowardice and fear kept this ‘man of God’ from stepping up and confessing his sin.  That had two consequences—one sad, the other fatal. 

The second, and more dire consequence, was that of Reverend Dimmesdale. Concealment of his sin, and the shame it brought to someone else, ate him alive from the inside out.  That kind of thing should sound familiar to those who know the Bible and recall the travails of King David. I shared this verse in the lesson on Secret Sins.  He described the consequences as follows:

“When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long.” (Psalm 32: 3 NASB)

As a closing footnote to the story, when the reverend finally did muster the strength to confess, he mounted a scaffold, exposed his chest on which he had burned into his flesh the letter ‘A’, and then dropped dead.  Years of bearing the unconfessed guilt and shame of his adultery, and the pain it caused others, apparently did as David said it would. 

Adultery in the Post-Modern World 

As a society, we have moved from the era of biblical times where women and men were put to death when caught in the act of adultery, to the Puritan age when they were forced to wear the letter ‘A’, to the present politically correct, non-judgmental age in which we do not even use the word.  It might offend someone.  And the practice itself is so widespread, it really isn’t that big a deal to (too) many.   

Adultery is often dismissed or laughed about in our bedeviled culture.

I shared previously the devastating statistics of Christian men and pastors and their participation in pornography.  Here are equally disturbing ones on Christians and adultery. Quoting from a well-known Christian research group study,

“nearly a third (30%) of the self-proclaimed born-again Christians admitted to having an extramarital sexual affair while they were married.”

To put this in biblical perspective and call out Christians and the church on the subject, consider three difficult, very specific, teachings spoken directly from the mouths of God and Jesus.    

Adultery as sexual sin—unfaithfulness in marriage. God spoke strongly and directly to this issue with the Israelites in the seventh of the Ten Commandments. 

You shall not commit adultery.”  (Exodus 20: 14 ESV)  

The fact that this sin was punishable by death suggests God was very serious.  Today our culture prefers the phrase “having an affair” because it is less offensive and almost commonplace in too many areas.  Any sin grieves the heart of God, but adultery is obviously high on the list for reasons I am about to explain that go beyond the covenant vows of a man and woman when they marry.  Before we go there, consider this.

We know, just by looking around, that we live in the most sensual, sexual age in the history of man.  But the temptations of the flesh have plagued men since our earliest days.  We are too easily tempted to lust after another man’s wife or a woman who is not ours.  There is no stronger natural inclination in the carnal remnant of the heart of even Christian men. 

So we are instructed to “resist the devil and he will flee from us.” (James 4: 7)  If we resist, God promised to help us escape (1 Corinthians 10:13).  Perhaps the best example is when Joseph ran from Potiphar’s wife so fast he left his coat behind in her hand. (Genesis 39)

I offer two solutions.  (1) Direct more attention developing the last stated fruit of the Spirit—self-control (Galatians 5: 23).  Easier said than done I know, but it may be the only hope for some men.  If we are honest, most of us need more self-control in these areas.  Spirit-filled Christians who walk in the Spirit are given His power to resist and exercise self-control. (Galatians 5: 16)   We have no chance to make it under our own power—read those stats again. 

(2) Personal accountability which I laid out in the last lesson.  I refer you to that, and the link is provided.  (Accountability) 

Adultery as God viewed and defined it—the sin of a nation. In Scripture, we move from personal adultery to that of an entire nation.  God frequently used a phrase throughout the Old Testament to call out Israel.  From Numbers, early in their rebirth as a people, to Jeremiah and Ezekiel, after the fall of the northern kingdom and during the final collapse of Judah, God accused His people of “playing the harlot”- being an adulterous people. 

In fact, God said this was the final reason He had enough of their adulteries and allowed both kingdoms to be overrun—even allowed the temple to be destroyed.  Serious punishment from an angry God Who demanded only faithfulness to Himself. 

 “These things will be done to you because you have played the harlot with the nations, because you have defiled yourself with their idols.”  (Ezekiel 23: 30)

(Please note more than 2,500 years passed before Israel became a nation again.)

Many ask if this could be the fate of the United States?  The better question is could it be the fate of the Christian church of the US?  I want to call to your attention that God did not destroy the nations of Israel because of the sins of pagan enemies.  He allowed them to be destroyed because of their sins of “playing the harlot”.

Speaking to Christians and the church, we know that God is love and all the amazing good that comes with it—grace, mercy, and more.  We thank and praise Him for that.  But as I illustrated, God becomes an angry Father when His children say they love and obey Him, yet commit adultery with every “other god” imaginable.  That violates the first commandment—no other gods before Me.  Three takeaways from His strong words: 

• God demands holiness not harlotry. 

• God extends forgiveness to His children who are truly repentant of their sins—not just sorry they got caught.

• Spiritual adultery is putting any person or thing before your relationship with the Lord God. In the OT, God called that “playing the harlot”.  He still does. 

Adultery as Jesus redefined it. Finally, we get to sweet Jesus.  This has been a hard lesson.  Surely there are some soft, sweet words from our Savior that comfort and console in this area.  As He often did, Jesus came along and spoke words that blew everything up and indicted all of us men.  The Sermon on the Mount was full of such teachings. 

Affairs of the Heart.  Once again in this amazing series, Jesus appears to abruptly change course.  The subject became adultery.  These were His only words,

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  (Matthew 5: 27-28 ESV)

As men, we cry out, “C’mon Jesus, give us a break!  We are all guilty of that at times.”  If He was standing among us in a men’s group, He might ask questions like these, as He liked to do when confronting people. 

“What did Moses say was the penalty under the law for those caught in adultery?”  (Death)

“What happened to Israel for her ongoing adulterous affairs with “other gods”?”  (Destruction)

“What did I offer the woman brought to me caught in the act of adultery?” (Mercy)

My dear brothers, here is the good news on which we close this lesson on these very hard teachings of God and Jesus.  Though we are known adulterers on each front we discussed, God offers us mercy with same instructions He gave the woman.

 “Go and sin no more.”

Let our first response be to confess our sin—personally and as His church.  Then let us return to loving the Lord God first and best—lay aside all “other gods” and worship Him alone.  Only that will assuage our loving Father’s anger and restore us, and His church, to our amazing place in His kingdom. What are we waiting for?

 “…be sure your sin will find you out.”  (Numbers 32: 23 ESV)

All Men Are Desperate Whether They Admit It or Not, Thomas made a rather stupid mistake that uncovered his “secret sin” of pornography—forgetting to close out one of the porn sites he frequented on his computer.   One day when her iPad battery was dead, his wife decided to check Facebook on the computer in his study.  Uh-Oh!

What she saw stunned her.  As she checked the URL history in the drop-down menu, she began to weep bitterly because this was no discovery of a random act.  Many of the sites led straight into the abyss known as the dark Internet.  How could her husband, a Christian father and pastor, get involved with something evil like this?  Composing herself, to the extent this shock allowed, she went in to confront Thomas—his “secret sin” was secret no more. 

No one wants to get caught doing something he knows is wrong or violates a trust—especially when it brings consequences that devastate our families, as well as our own lives.  But that kind of forward-thinking does not precede sins such as pornography and others from the realm of “lusts of the flesh” Satan uses to tempt us.  He has one purpose in mind—enslave ours.

Jesus’ warning in the Sermon on the Mount seemed over the top when we first read it.  From Matthew 5: 29, Jesus said, “if you right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away…” Surely not.  But then He gave it again in Matthew 18.  We know Jesus wasted no words when He taught.  And when He said something twice, it was not to get out attention—that should have happened the first time.  It was to save us from ourselves.  Both passages speak to the consequences of not taking sin seriously enough-Hell. 

[I want to interject here I am not a licensed, professional Christian counselor.  Dealing with any addiction and/or secret sin revealed (and the consequences) usually requires that level of help. If this is where you are, I strongly urge you to seek that level of help.  Do not think you are strong enough to climb out of the abyss by yourself.  Going downhill alone into such is not that difficult.  Climbing out alone is impossible. There are many qualified Christian counselors whose methods are biblically based. Find one!]   

Finding Forgiveness is a two-way proposition.  Unfortunately, we only control one side of the deal.  This is one of the rare times that demands we focus initial attention on ourselves.  Three biblical prerequisites come to mind to facilitate the process and give it a chance to be successful.  These are based on many years of working with hundreds of men from all walks of life dealing with these and related issues.

1. We must confess our sin. The sin most frequently discussed among Christians is someone else’s!  Admitting we may have a problem is lame.  Admitting we have a problem and are willing to consider addressing it is still weak.  Admitting we have a problem with sin is the correct biblical response— also the hardest.  Why?  Easy answer—PRIDE. 

David provided the best examples of true confession.  Despite his issues (and there were many), he was the only one God called “a man after My own Heart.”  I believe that is, in large part, because David spent time confessing his sins to the Lord.  He taught us to understand that our sin is first against God. 

“Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge.”  (Psalm 51: 4   NASB)

He also taught us the consequences of holding onto or harboring sin—physical and emotional pain.

“When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away Through my groaning all day long.”  (Psalm 32: 3  NASB)

Confessing our sin means we own it and accept responsibility for the consequences.

2. We must ask for forgiveness. When our youngest son was a little boy, he came up with what he thought was a sure-fire means of avoiding time-out or a spanking.  Sometimes even before being confronted with his misdeeds, he would begin running around repeatedly saying he was sorry.  As you might have guessed, those attempts, though well-conceived for a little boy, were unsuccessful.

He was not sorry.  He was just sorry he got caught! 

So it is with many of us.  Caught in the act or confronted with our transgressions, we respond in much the same way hoping it gets us off the hook or mitigates liability and consequences.  We are not sorry—just sorry we got caught.  The Apostle Paul helps us understand true sorrow:

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”  (2 Corinthians 7: 10 NIV)

The difference is evident to all involved.  A repentant heart turns from sin, seeks forgiveness, and desires to reconciliation.  That leads to the final prereq. 

3. We must commit to the process of healing and restoration. Let’s begin by stating two truths. 

• The unconditional love of God, in concert with His grace and mercy, makes His forgiveness immediate. He even promises to go beyond forgiveness and forget our sins. (Isaiah 43: 25)

• Unfortunately, because we are still human, that is not often the case with those whose lives are wounded or crushed by our reckless sins.

 There are many verses about our need to forgive others—even warnings about not doing so.  Here are three that focus on the keys to success. 

“Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”   (Proverbs 28: 13 ESV)

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”   (Mark 11: 25 ESV)

“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go.  First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”   (Matthew 5: 23-24 ESV)

God knows the human heart better than any of us because He created it—after His.  He also knows most of us require time to work through the process of confession, forgiveness, and, ultimately reconciliation.  I hope those verses and words of encouragement do three things for Christians:

• Draw us closer to the loving, forgiving heart of God Who reconciled us to Himself in Christ.
• Encourage those who need to engage in this painful process to do so.
• Strengthen those who are engaged to see it through to the end God intends.

This is the hardest work assignment God gave us this side of Heaven. 

Your desperate brother in Christ,

Review of previous lessons:  

All Men Are Desperate Whether They Admit It or Not.   One key takeaway from each is this:

We have more in common with these “desperate men” and their issues than we would like to admit.

• The Addict and Is the Christian Man
• “Not all prisons have bars.”
• Taking Our Turn in the Crucible of Wealth
• The Pastor – Secret Sins

 (Luke 8: 17 NASB)

When our youngest son was a toddler if he could reach the cookies, left too low on a shelf, he would grab the bag and take off.  He had two hiding places—in the curtains or under the comforter on our bed.  It was comical to watch the covers shake and hear giggles coming out while he celebrated getting away with something because he “hid” himself from us.

As funny and silly as our son’s thought process sounds to us as adults (thinking he was getting away with something unseen), we do the same kinds of things when we attempt to hide our “secret sins” from others—especially the Lord.  But, in our case, the Lord is not standing at the door smiling or trying to keep from laughing.  He is not amused.  His expectation of men who claim to be biblical Christians-devoted followers- is a continuous striving for perfection.  (Jesus’ words in Matthew 5: 48)

Many sins readily fall into the category “secret sin.”  As you may expect, and I am about to confirm in ways many may find startling, pornography has wormed its way to the top of the heap. 

Pornography is the most well-known and popular “secret sin”—Satan’s most effective weapon against Christian men and pastors.    

Consider these published sobering statistics that include only Christian men and pastors.  If they do not get your undivided attention, check your pulse.   

• Consider these stats on millennial men—the first generation raised in a large percentage of single-parent, absentee dad homes.  They provide a scary glimpse into the future if we fail to act.  
  • (FYI, the number of women, especially young ones, viewing and becoming addicted to pornography is increasing rapidly.) 

    This sexual sin, that leads readily to addiction, glides in low, like a stealth bomber, undetected until the problem is upon us.  Such was the case with Pastor Thomas in the book where it snuck in through a misspelled URL during a web search.  Most men are very visual—especially when it comes to sexuality.  The first glance can be innocent (as it was for this pastor).  But not so those second and third looks!  They draw us in like a fly into a spider’s web.  If you recall that poem, the fly went away initially but eventually returned for another look and got a little too close to the web.  Once ensnared, getting free becomes a war. 

    The impact of issues with and addiction to pornography cannot be overstated.  The fallout is widespread, affecting many areas of our lives.  Closer to home, collateral damage creates casualties by inflicting deep wounds—beginning with our wives and children.      

    The apostle John listed “the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes” (1 John 2: 16) as two of three primary categories of sins in the world today.  Both contribute to incredible numbers cited above.  The third category, “pride of life,” keeps men enslaved—we are too proud and ashamed to confess it.

    Secret sins are areas of our lives we deliberately hide from others and think we hide from God.

    Only God knows the extent of the truth of this statement, but I believe it safe to say all men harbor secret sins.  Pornography is only one of them.  They include thoughts and behaviors that, if exposed, would create issues, some serious, for the man believing they are hidden. 

    Before searching the Scripture, I imagined having trouble finding a key verse that would speak directly to secret sins.  I was shocked. I found specific verses spoken by Moses, David, Isaiah, and Jesus.  The fact that these mighty men of God and our Lord Himself addressed it requires no further explanation. 

    (Moses) “You have placed our iniquities before You, Our secret sins in the light of Your presence.”  (Psalm 90: 8  NASB)

    (David) “When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away…groaning all day long.” (Psalm 32: 3 NASB)

    I chose to end the first part of this lesson here so you can reflect on the Word of God and allow the Holy Spirit to invade the most private areas of your heart regarding your secret sins, especially pornography— perhaps the most challenging sin affecting Christian men and pastors today. 

    I will follow up soon with the last two parts:

    • Part Two: Secret Sins – Finding Forgiveness
    • Part Three: The Key to Successfully Staying Out of the Web

    From one desperate brother in Christ to another,

    

     

    Review of previous lessons:  

    All Men Are Desperate Whether They Admit It or Not.   One key takeaway from each is this:

    All of us have more in common with each man and his issues than we would like to admit.

    • The Addict and Is the Christian Man
    • “Not all prisons have bars.”
    • Taking Our Turn in the Crucible of Wealth

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy? 

 (From the Don’t Let Disappointment Turn Into Disaster Series)

 Now that we have appropriately dealt with our first priority—our relationship with God (Disappointment with God), let’s turn our attention to one of the most important areas of dealing with disappointment—disappointment with ourselves.  

Self-inflicted wounds from critical attitudes, low self-esteem, and failure to love ourselves cripple believers and render us impotent for kingdom work—exactly what Satan wants. 

My dear brothers and sisters, read carefully what I have to say to you on this subject of vital importance in the body of Christ.  Three things:

♦ Stop listening to the lies! Satan is what?  The father of lies, prince of darkness, and deceiver. 

(Jesus speaking)…there is no truth in (the devil). When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.  (John 8:44 ESV)

“that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth…”  (Revelation 12: 9  ESV)

If you are in Christ, get out of that trap and away from those people who speak these lies and hold you captive.  I frequently hear from men I teach at the missions and prison that is the world they came from—people telling them they are no good or will never amount to anything.  Some of you heard those same lies and, very sadly, you began to believe them.  Jesus came to “set the captives free”, and that includes you if you have allowed yourself to be imprisoned behind bars made of lies. 

♦ Start listening to the Lord. We have to change the source of the information we listen to and believe. Listen as you read what God thinks of you.  It is life-changing.  On the very first page of the Bible, God gave us our identity.

 “God created man in His own image…male and female He created them.”  (Genesis 1: 27 NASB)

God is for us not against us because He created us to enjoy and fellowship with Him.  Everything He created in the visible realm was for us and our good.  He put us in charge of everything under the heavens.  He trusted us with His creation. 

Here is another amazing thing to wrap your mind around. Holy God, our Creator, knows each one of us intimately—meaning He knew what He had in mind for us before we were even formed in our mother’s womb.  Wow!

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…”  (Jeremiah 1: 5a ESV)

Yes, we blew it and broke the trust. But even then, God would not give up on us.  He sent Jesus to fix everything we messed up through our sin by His blood sacrifice on the Cross.  He loves us that much!  Why would God make such a sacrifice if He wanted to give up on us and move on?  He will not.

If God never gives up on you, please don’t give up on yourself!

♦ Love yourself. This concept bothers too many people, even Christians.  It does sound a little odd to say that you love yourself.  Some think it could be prideful or self-centered to think in these terms.  But it is completely biblical.  From the Levitical law to the Gospels, we read the same phrase: 

“The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself.”  (Leviticus 19: 18, 34 NASB)

(Jesus speaking on the greatest commandments) “The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  (Mark 12: 31 ESV)

How do we “love ourselves” in the way God intended when He created us?  I close this lesson by answering that question in the same way I did for our three kids as they were growing up and learning to deal with all the ‘stuff’ the world would have them believe about themselves.

Remember it is not who you are that matters…it is Whose you are!

My dear brothers and sisters, when we love our Lord God first and best and have a healthy love for ourselves because of Whose we are in Christ, then we are able to love our neighbors as ourselves and even our enemies as Christ commanded.                                                  

Do not let disappointment with yourself cripple you and put you on the sidelines of life.  You are a child of the King—a son or daughter of the Most High God and brother or sister to our Lord Jesus Christ.  Wallow in those thoughts and dance before the Lord in gladness just as King David did. This side of Heaven, it does not get any better than that. 

 Disappointment with God  

In our second year of marriage, Gigi and I were tested to what most young couples would consider the limit, and, perhaps, beyond.  If ever we felt we had reason to shake our fists at God and walk away, that would have been the time.  Gigi endured three consecutive early-term miscarriages, and I fumbled my way alongside having no idea what she was going through.  I just knew she could not stay pregnant and was going through a kind of hell.  And to compound matters, most of our friends were having babies.  Mother’s Day became for her like salt-water poured on an open wound. 

Early in the second year, she became pregnant a fourth time, and with the help of a specialist, a lot of prayer, and bed rest, she carried our first daughter to full term.  On October 4,1985, she went to the hospital, and I was called to meet her there.  But something did not feel right to her or me.  Some ten to twelve hours later, she delivered a lifeless, baby girl.  We were whatever word comes on the list after “devastated”. (For more details of the story see Chapter Three of my book, http://bit.ly/AMADWTAION)  

From minor setbacks to crushing defeats, our challenge is to keep disappointments from turning into disasters—that moment when faith fails and men walk away from God, angry, bitter, and defeated.      

Forgiving God is one of the hardest things the human heart must do.

That statement sounds theologically off-base when you first read it because it is.  Of course, the thought of us “forgiving God” for something He did is both theologically inaccurate and presumptuous. BUT it does reflect real, gut-level feelings for those of us honest enough to admit them when disappointments, beyond our control, burrow deep into our spirits.

When faith fails and circumstances leave us crippled or full of contempt, most of us direct our disappointment toward God.  Two things invariably follow.  The “Why” questions and the “blame game.” We see it every day from unbelievers and believers.

“Why did You let our child die?  Why did ______ get cancer and die before his/her time? Why did You take away my job?  Why did You let my husband/wife leave me?  Why have you abandoned me?”

“Why” questions are only natural—our need for answers evokes great emotion and passion. The problem is God does not answer many of them to our satisfaction, if at all.  What will you do?  Blame the One Who does not defend Himself, and, in His providence, allowed Satan or someone to inflict something terrible on you or your family. So where are the answers we seek, some demand, to our compelling “why” questions? 

God provided just two answers.  The first, to the believer, is FAITH—the only cord that binds true believers to God through the singular, atoning work of Christ—His death on the Cross (blood) and His physical resurrection (life). Our faith, no matter how small at times or severely tested, is the glue.  Faith is the victory!

“For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.”  (1 John 5: 4  ESV)

When Christians understand even a small amount about God—Who He is, His love, and what He did for us in Christ, we can begin to view disappointments, regardless of the source, as opportunities to stretch our faith in God and take Him at His word.  The words Jesus prayed in the Garden become our words.  “Not my will, but Thine be done.”  We will defer to the sovereignty of almighty, all-loving God and “lean not on our own understanding.  And that requires FAITH!      

The second answer is for those who blame God for everything that goes bad in their lives, yet, up to this point, have refused His every overture or call to know Him and receive His love Gift.  In His unfathomable love, overcoming grace, and unfailing mercy, God sent His only Son as the answer to our terminal condition—sin.  (John 3: 16) 

My dear friend, can I invite you again to stop blaming God and consider His precious Gift of Life, Jesus, the only One Who can save you from yourself.  No one suffered more or paid a greater price than Jesus—His life for yours.  While it cost Him everything, it costs you nothing.  Realize your great need, receive Jesus Christ, and be saved today. 

The disappointments of life will not go away this side of Heaven.  But, in Christ, you will have a Savior and Lord Who alone can comfort us in and through all circumstances and wipe away every tear.  What are you waiting for? 

PS – The picture in the lesson blog and FB post is one of Gigi, me, and our son, Trey, the fifth pregnancy fulfilled when we were told we would never have children.  God had other plans!

Your desperate brother in Christ,

How Much Is Enough?   The Rich Fool  

Jesus and the Rich Man Series (Part Two)

Before we go there, the Spirit led me to write the following, not as a disclaimer, but a word of truth about “riches used right”.   Being rich is not a sin.  There are wealthy Christian men (need more) who love the Lord first and best. Their giving and philanthropy absolutely reflect that.  They see giving as a “get to” not a “have to”.  They are mindful the Lord prospered them or allowed them to become prosperous.  It is not their own doing.  They take to heart Jesus’ words that follow the texts used to write this lesson. 

(Luke 12: 48b ESV)

Our hope is Christian men of all means will read this lesson to completion.  However, particular attention should be paid by men of great wealth who have allowed Satan to deceive you into becoming prideful of your accomplishments and all the possessions (toys) collected as a result.

Justification and rationalization are two of the devil’s best weapons because they are painless at the time of use.  

Let this strong reminder or sharp rebuke -whichever fits best- cause you to humble yourself before the Lord to confess, as needed, before it is too late, as was the case for the Rich Fool we are about to discuss.     

This sad story begins in what might seem comical if it did not end so tragically.  Two brothers had been arguing over the family fortune. (That never happens today!)  From a crowd, one brother shouted to Jesus, “Make my brother divide the inheritance with me!” Jesus responded sarcastically, “Man, who appointed me judge or arbitrator over you?” 

(The first thing for me that jumped off the page about that exchange was the self-centered arrogance of this brother.  If we were going to make one request of Jesus, would it really be about our inheritance?)

After that initial response, Jesus gave a strong warning about greed to the brother (and those in the crowd).  

(Luke 12: 15 NIV)

But He did not stop with that admonition.  As He often did, Jesus told them a parable, and this one would not end well.  Here is the first part of the story. 

 (Luke 12: 16-19  NASB)

It does not take a mature Christian to read this part of the story and understand the heading, the rich fool. Pay close attention to the words, “he began reasoning with himself”.  Left to our own cunning or the deception of Satan, we can reason ourselves into all kinds of trouble that, on the surface, seems “reasonable”.  Note there was no thankfulness in his heart or inquiring of the Lord to whom he should give or how to best use his excess.  Pride, arrogance, and greed ruled his heart. 

One of the scariest verses in the Bible.  I like the simple translation:

 (Luke 12:20  NLT)

Reasoning with yourself can get you killed.  Note Jesus brings God the Father into the conversation. God calls the rich man a fool.  As if that is not teeth-rattling enough, God tells the man he is going to die that night.  Then comes the sarcasm again. Dead men seldom benefit from the abundance of their possessions or excess.  The bigger barns and all they contain become someone else’s benefit or burden.  Jesus ended this parable with very troubling words.

(Luke 12:21  NIV)

It seemed appropriate to close this part of the lesson using one of the three basic business statements to analyze the condition of our hearts with regard to the Lord and our wealth/money. 

Source of Funds. In more than forty years of business experience, I have known many wealthy men.  Most are reasonably smart, but not geniuses. Some work harder than their counterparts. Others are pretty average guys.  Their sources of funds (wealth) tend to flow from one of the following buckets: 

• Hard work over a career—good at maintaining personal positive cash flow and savings
• Created something of value, built a lot of sweat equity, and sold for a lot of money
• Born into rich family
• Married into rich family
• Right place/right time to enjoy stock appreciation based on company success

Note, only two of these five relied on their abilities or work ethic to achieve what the world would deem success.  Three of the five did not work for or earn such favor, but they received the benefits. 

Use of Funds.  This is where I really run the risk of making men angry if I pick on an area of spending that hits too close to home.  Using categories may help avoid that for now. 

1. Lifestyle – the level of luxury at which one chooses to live
2. Man-toys and Hobbies – stuff from which men draw great pleasure and enjoyment
3. Philanthropy – contributions to causes we feel strongly about or pressured to support
4. Kingdom Building and Expansion – paying it forward in the eternal sense of the concept

Rethinking ASSET ALLOCATION

NT Christians and their church leaders did not think about lifestyle. They thought about staying alive or forfeiting theirs for Christ’s sake.  They understood modest, even sacrificial, living. 

Gluttony is a popular sin among Christians that has nothing to do with food.

3. So many needs and causes to support. Wealthy men are hit up for donations from all sides and many sources.  Discerning among those with eternal vs temporal value is one wise approach.       
4. Notwithstanding the fact that Jesus did not own anything or invest/save a dime in His life, we know from the last lesson, He told some to give it all away because wealth got in the way of following Him.  And He also told the parable of the talents and wise use of gifts/resources entrusted to us. It is an issue of the heart more than the wallet.  That leads to the last Use.
5. Simple path to the truth. Open your financial software or ask your accountant to run a cash flow report.  Look at the amounts by spend category and see where your heart is.  I say it that way because Jesus did.  “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6: 21)

affluence and excess. 

 “Building bigger barns” is a sure sign that should not go unheeded.  The consequences, according to Jesus, can be a killer!

My dear brothers, this has been a hard lesson.  Thank you for persevering through it.  Now take it before the Lord and ask Him to guide you into the truth He has for you regarding your “treasures”.  That will be the best investment (time) you can make this year!  The final part of this series will follow next week.  

“Not all prisons have bars.  Some people live in the Prison that is their PAST.”   

.”  (Isaiah 43: 14 NASB)

Talk about over-crowding in our prisons!  This “prison” is SRO with a line out the door waiting to get in.  

The saddest thing about this prison is we sentenced ourselves to do time there.

Stop looking in the rearview mirror of your life.  Only bad things happen when we drive while looking in the rearview mirror.  We run off the road into another one of life’s ditches. Don’t we have enough problems avoiding the ones we can see?  Or we rear-end someone in front of us causing more pain for both.    

All of us have things (sins) in our pasts we do NOT want to show up posted on Facebook. I have great news for you.  Jesus wants you to lay your past behind you, no matter how good or bad, fix your eyes on Him, and walk straight ahead following Him every step of the way.   

Takeaway.  For all who are in Christ, His blood covered our sins so our loving Father God said, “their sins I will remember no more”.  If God can forgive and forget our pasts, so must we.  If you still do not know Jesus as your Savior, why not?  He is waiting for you to choose Him right now.  Then He will forgive and forget your past and usher you into the amazing life that awaits you on the other side of His Cross.    

The timing of this worked out well, despite the fact that I had planned to write it for a while now well in advance of Mother’s Day.  A quick search through the men’s lessons archives of this menistry reveals a tribute I wrote three years ago that esteemed and blessed our mothers and the mothers of our children.  This one needed to be written specifically to and for Gigi, my wife and mother of our children.  

Some will think this is personal with no purpose being a blog that gets posted, and that’s fine.  But most men do not know how to bless and esteem our wives and mothers of our children.  Perhaps your dad was a poor example of this biblical mandate to honor the women He placed in our lives.  Or maybe you have simply become, like so many of us men, consumed with everything else in your life that receives more honor and attention than it should-displacing our wives as second only to Christ in our lives. 

The women God placed in our lives very often demand from us less than is due them and serve tirelessly without calling attention to themselves or seeking affirmation we should so obediently heap upon them. So let this meager attempt of mine serve to help or encourage you do that which, for many, may be overdue.      

Wife.   Gigi Rook entered my life in 1982 through an introduction at a Singles’ group at Central Church in Memphis, TN.  She is a native of that city and graduate from what was known at the time as Memphis State University.  We dated about four months, were engaged six more, and married August 6, 1983. 

Gigi took the biblical role of a wife and ‘helpmeet’ very seriously.  The old KJV used the phrase helpmeet−a helper (eve) suitable for Adam.  Gigi was (is) that in my life.  While I took my role equally seriously, I am certain she filled hers better than I did.  Gentleness and grace are among her virtues that stood out most and filled some of the many gaps in my life. 

[I have spoken to thousands of men over the last four decades and share the following as often as it fits and sometimes when it does not.  “Marriage is God’s hardest assignment this side of Heaven.”  It really is.  It takes commitment and hard work to stay married.  The commitment is to God first and then our spouses.  The hard work is required to build a biblical marriage.  Even harder work is required to maintain it or repair damage caused by attacks of Satan, our fierce enemy, and selfish remnants of our carnality that insists it is all about me.]

Gigi has been more than accommodating, forgiving, and unselfish over the course of our thirty-four years of marriage.  There is a great verse toward the end of the book of Proverbs that is attributed to Solomon.  He asked the question:

            “An excellent wife who can find?”  (Proverbs 31: 10a ESV)

In the margin of my Bibles, I wrote many years ago, “I did.”  And then wrote in the date of our wedding.

Mother.  I could write another book on the early years of our marriage dealing with serious, painful issues related to becoming parents.  In less than two years, we went through three miscarriages and a full-term stillbirth of our first daughter.  The pain was excruciating−overwhelming and unbearable except that Gigi and I are believing believers. Enduring all of that was our first real test of faith and our marriage. 

Many marriages crumble after such hardships. But the Holy Spirit intervened. He brought healing and forgiveness to our brokenness, and filled the holes in our hearts because He alone could.  Finally, despite the expert medical opinions that we would never have children, the Lord God Who is our Father blessed us beyond hope with three amazing children.

I always knew Gigi would be an amazing mother.  All that happened to bring her to that point only strengthened her resolve. My children have the best mother, hand-picked by the Lord to love and nurture them as only she could and did.  I am thankful that they know this and esteem her.  Yet, I hope they read this every Mother’s Day and remember to do as the Bible commands−honor her and rise up and bless her.  

For all my shortcomings as a husband and father, I can say that I did my best to do that and make sure my children did so as they grew up in our home; even in the difficult teen years.  Dads, it is critical that you do that for your wife and teach your children what is means and looks like to honor their moms.    

I cannot move on without a couple of comments on the second-most difficult time in Gigi’s life−her battle with Lyme Disease.  The physical and emotional toll this took on her for several years was so painful to watch, much less endure as she did.  Yet, she grieved more over the time away from and events missed during the high school years of our youngest son more than the pain she experienced.  We praise God that after years of trying so many possible helps and treatments, she did find freedom and deliverance from the continual pain and many of the side effects.  She has only minor flare-ups these days. 

Dedicated Homemaker.  Despite what you think, this is not about how well Gigi made our houses into homes and a safe, loving nest for our family because she did that so well.  She had more practice than most.  We recently moved into our twelfth home together in thirty-four years of marriage.  I always tell men I am just glad to still be married to the same women after such a journey.  She has been an amazing pillar of support through what has at times been very exhausting, mentally as well as physically. 

www.gigisellsnashville.com   The context in which I use the phrase, dedicated homemaker, now refers to another stage of life in which she pours her time, talents, and gifts into helping others find and establish their homes.  I never nagged Gigi about anything during our many years of marriage except for one thing.  As our kids got older and hit the driving (we don’t need you around now, Mom and Dad) years, I strongly encouraged her to become a realtor.  She was born for this helpful role.

Gigi’s dad was a home builder and spent many years in the building supply business in Memphis.  She majored in a related field in college and used her talents in our twelve homes spread out across the southeast.  She is the most conscientious people person I know, despite my bias.  So I knew that if she ever chose to do this on her own, she would be the best at helping others do what she had done for us so many times.  I gladly toot my own horn here because I was right.  She does an amazing job. 

So my dear Gigi, here we are thirty-four years into our marriage, having successfully raised three kids who are in Christ, and now not so patiently rocking babies in the nursery as we wait on grands!   I am so thankful for your life as my wife and the incredible mother of our children.  Here’s to many more  (years, that is, not children except grands!)  I love you.

Walter Spires guest blog for Lifeway Men

Great honor to be able to contribute to this excellent resource for men. You can help Desperate Men as a menistry and me as an author/teacher by going to this link and commenting. Thanks for your encouragement and support.